i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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