just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
