i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
