Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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