and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
