Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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