i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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