u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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