I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
