When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
