i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
