too bad you live with your parents still
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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