and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
