Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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