a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize