a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
