I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize