oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
