I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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