you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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