I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
