The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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