he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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