is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
