What a fucking waste of an outfit
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
