just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
