all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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