remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
