Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ok first of all what the fuck
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
