okay pat passed out under dana's car
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the day after is always just damage control
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
