you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize