it wasn't lemon gatorade
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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