Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
