I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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