Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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