What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
