we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
