Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize