i think my tv is drunk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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