I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
