If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
