I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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