everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize