You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
