sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
