The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
