Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish my penis had an off switch
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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