Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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