Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
