I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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