hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
