I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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