i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
