smell my finger.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
