I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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