my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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