i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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