im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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