That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
