I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
