i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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