i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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