so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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