ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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