I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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