my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
