Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
