I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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