worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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