you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
