I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
